A journey called - LIFE...!!

Discoloured autumn leaf shed by the tree unceremoniously... lying crumpled on the ground spineless... with the broken parts cannot support the mess  that have carved itself in.. everytime i pretend to breathe I stink of drunken apologies for the sins I am yet to commit.. I gather all the shards  piece by piece from the folds of this pale face and put them in the bags underneath my eyes  no wonder the past hurts everytime i try to sleep As my knotted fear seems to strangle me  in the stillness of the night you are holding the rope  from the one end as I hold it from another....

The idea of love is very rosy but be very assertive about your self-respect and dignity. Do not ever allow yourself to be shattered just because you are in love. If there is no mutual affection and respect in a relationship then it would never thrive. Everything else fades away with time. Adjusting, compromising with yourself on various grounds in hope of a blissful haven is foolish. Unconditional love is a silly thought. There is no such thing. Every act of love seeks something in return and if one doesn’t love oneself one can’t expect love from others. What you give to others is never enough and is often thrown back at you as an object that supposedly smothered them. Never give away all of yourself to anyone. Never. Mistakes/failures are always very good teachers. Each failure, each rejection is a stepping stone.  They teach you lessons that you need to learn, strengthening and resurrecting you in the process. It makes you reach inside and know yourself better.  No school...

August is a bitter sweet month for me. It is my birth month  🎂  & birth month of some more special people. This month has colors of friendship  & brother sister love. But there is a lot of heart break attached to it too.   I will focus on the good especially on the writing front. We lose some we win some. Onward we go. Since childhood my birthday has always been a very special day for me. I start waiting for my birthday from the very next day the current one ends. I have tried to always make it special and memorable for me. But most of them did not turn out as I wished n tried for. But from past few years it comes with some sort of fear attached to it. It no more has the excitement it used to bring along.  Wish to get the "LIFE" back in my life.  It might need a lot of efforts and strength but u ltimately,  I decided to write about all of it because I think we could all probably use a reminder to be kind to oursel...

I’ve been in a perpetual state of (un)belonging since childhood. It is difficult to imagine the pain of loss, the angst, the outrage and the constant longing of those who are yearning to return to their homeland. People who are displaced/ exiled for any number of reasons. Personally, the feeling of homelessness is the closest that can come to what a person may feel when he/she is forced out of his/her birth country. This sense of alienation, of despair seems similar to me. It is one thing to live in a house and another to have a home, to feel at home. I feed on my dreams just as they do, longing for a home that is perhaps not even there, searching for my identity, my purpose in this world. For me exile is not just a geographical concept it is also an emotional, mental state of being.  The feelings of rootlessness, despair and loss.  I don’t know if I could bring out what I actually felt while writing.

"Ruth ke chal diye wo ek Choti si baat pe ... Lagta hai unhe bhi kisi bahane ki talash thi ..!!" "Hum kyun kahen unse ki humse baat karo... Kya unhe nahi pata ki unke bina dil nahi lagta..!!" "Badal diya hai bahot kuch humne khud mein lekin .. Ek tumko toot ke chahne ki aadat nahi badalti ..!!" "Dekh kar humko tau zindagi bhi sharminda hai .. Ye wo jo har gayi sab kuch, aaj bhi zinda hai ..!!" "Raaz ki ek baat bata dein tumhe aaj hum Mar jayenge dekhna ek din bin tum ..!!"

The time when nothing works out for you is tough. It is stressful when you have been one year without work. And then there is nothing ahead on the schedule. You log on to Facebook ... Look at what all others are doing all the stuff everyone is occupied with and then call people finding that where few can pull some minutes for you others are occupied and tell you that they will get back once free. I know there are things to uplift yourself but being at work does make one a bit better since it assures a lot of things will be OK.  Life is not easy for anyone on the earth. But i am probably reaching a point of no return. Although I could swallow a lot and put on a great act earlier but now it seems I have no control over myself too. Am I done with myself ? I cannot muster the strength to stand strong any longer no matter which field.... Career, Friends, Family almost everything.   It feels like there is a scar which never stops bleeding, it feels as ugly as it looks...

That Fountain Pen... You gave me that day... I scribbled my heart .... All that I had to say... Did you hear any rain outside? Since the words washed away All I did was hide my face With notebook and lay.... That Fountain Pen You gave me that day...

जब हम चले, उठा कर कारवां अपना अनजानी सड़क पे लिए मंजिल का सपना रास्ते में वक़्त ने कहीं कर लिया बंद वक़्त में खो गयी जीवन की सुगंध कर लीं सारी कोशिशें लकीरों के साथ भी नहीं मिली वो मंज़िलें जो रास्तों के साथ थीं दूर कहीं हंसती रहीं वो कह के, थोडा और चल हमने कहा के अब नहीं अब हमने है समेट ली हर साँस भी और आस भी ...!!

Nahi chalta pata aksar… Raah mein kho bhi jaatey hain… Parakhna g.ar pade jyada … Tau Rishtey toot jaatey hain….

कट गई है थोड़ी , कट रही है और भी.. करना है क्या हमको दुआ का उम्र की...  जिसे करना हो जो, वो कर ले आज ही... जिसे देना हो दगा , या देना साथ अभी...  कि तुमसे दिल है मेरा भर गया, ऐ ज़िन्दगी... नहीं लेंगे अब अगला जनम हम भी ... 

Ek ghutan… Jo char diwari mein band hai.. Dam todna chahti hai Per pran nikalte nahi Bahar nahi ate hain Marna nahi chahte hain Ghut Ghut kar jeene ka lalach hai.. Kabhi ye ghutan bagi ho jati hai Roti hai chillati hai behal ho jati hai Ye sab naam usi ghutan ke hain Jo char diwari mein band hai… Ye ghutan kabhi mehekti hai Kabhi behekti hai Tamanna kyun Kabhi khud marti kabhi maari jati hai.. Tamanna kaun hai Kisi ki maa kisi ke beti hai Kisi ka pyaar bhi ban jati hai Tarah tarah ke namo se Karnamo se Char diwari ke bahar bheetar Rehti hai “Ek Ghutan”

हजारों नाम रक्खे गए हैं मेरे यहाँ पर ... भले बुरे जबकि मैं बिलकुल बेक़सूर हूँ जितना भी मैं उलझी... उलझती ही गयी.. एक दिन तोड़ी जंजीरें ... काटी रस्सियाँ ... खोले लंगर ... अब बन गयी हूँ सागर में तिनका ... लहरों से हो गयी है दोस्ती... वो जहाँ चाहती हैं ... ले जाती हैं... कभी इस पार कभी उस पार --------

भले सब हैं ... बुरा कोई नहीं है... अच्छे सब हैं ... बुराई कहीं नहीं है... अच्छाई कहने में बुरी लगती है ... प्रश्न है ; ? दोषी कौन है ? अच्छाई मौन है ---  

Shakh pe latka ek sukha hua patta Darta har us hawa ke jhonke se Jo alag kardegi use  Apne bache hue wajood se Shakh se latka ek sukha hua patta Uski kismat hai hawaoon ke hawale Chahe udaa de ya usko sambhale Par haqeeqat hai uski ye usko pata hai Ek sukha patta shakh pe kab tak ruka hai Shakh pe latka ek sukha hua patta.....

Violence against women is talked about whether its physical, emotional, mental or sexual but wat about Men who suffer silently? It is easy to see some peoples visible injury, but what about those who are step by step destroyed with verbal and psychological abuse? Some things will never change, coz its fashionable to cry for violence against females. Though I fully agree the females need support ... but tilting the entire balance of law and society against the males is just killing a soul from words.Seeing this breed of men suffering and being the victim of emotional and verbal abuse is sad and equally disheartening as it is to see any woman suffer. A man just looking for peace at any price is becoming a prey and being held responsible for all those things which were not even intended ever.  Some woman can actually create that sympathy and drama worldwide. The fear tactics are used to keep the Man under control. Society is a weapon for every such woman cos she knows where ...

The Dew

A time comes when you know that you will never be and you can never be the same. We are all like time, which once gone is gone forever there can be a better or worse than what you have right now... but we will never get what is passed.  I realize and sense the change in me too, have I started giving up on things and people and hopes or I have modestly started accepting the way things are..? Or I have started waiting for others to act now? .... even those ..from whom I have never even expected anything from....it is probably a time when I wish to sit back and wait for things to happen. I have always been a trailblazer all my life .... I wish to see life when I am nonchalant and relaxed...  In the effort of coping up with life and trying to please everyone around ... what I end up doing is leaving myself and my life ignored ... in venture to keep all smiling and satisfied mostly leaves me in repulse... this discomfort of anyone else's sullenness and the energy exhaust...